Funny Bleach Episode 6
by RukiaLady94
Summary: All I can say is this: Never let Rangiku s pets die. Ever. Lmao


Funny Bleach Episode 6 Part 1: Psycho On The Loose!

[It`s a beautiful morning. Everyone doing what they usually do...nothing...]

[Rangiku runs in with something in her hand]

Rangiku: Guys, look at what I just found. Isn`t it adorable?

Rukia: Aww, isn`t that cute... Now what is it exactly?

Yoruichi: Looks like a baby bird to me. (reads paper while sipping tea) Good tea.

Kon: It looks more like a hollow baby bird. Wich is dangerous. You want my advise, stay away from it.

Rukia: First of all, we don`t want your advise and second, how do you even know it`s a hollow bird?

Kon: I just know. I mean look at it. Doesn`t it look unusual for a baby bird? Hm?

Rukia: Not really.

Kon: Oh my God you`re useless. It`s like talking to a wall. I would`ve said something else if you weren`t so damn cute.

Yoruichi: So what are you gonna call him, Rangiku?

Kn: How about "The destroyer of our Society".

[Rukia kicks him to the moon]

Rukia: And stay there!

[Kon screaming as he`s being kicked to the moon until you can`t hear a single peep outta him]

Rangiku: Hm...how about Sparky.

Yoruichi: Does it look sparky to you?

Kon: I think this is a load of crap.

Rukia: Heey, how did you get here so fast?

Kon: Superman gave me a lift (sarcasm) What did you expect. That I would stay up there for the rest of my life?

Rukia: Yeah. And I`m disappointed now `cause you`re still here.

Rangiku: I`m gonna go teach it how to fly.

Kon: I`m telling you that bird is evil. Just look at his eyes and those sharp teeth and those spiky black feathers.

Rukia: Go away before I throw you.

Kon: Fine. Your funeral.

[Rangiku goes outside with Sparky]

[Sparky flies and then bumbs into the wall]

[BUMB]

Rangiku: Sparky!

Yoruichi: First they say it`s a hollow bird and now it`s blind too? What the hell.

Rangiku: It`s not blind. Maybe it needs a little practice.

Kon: With you, he got plenty of practice already. That bird deserves to be blind.

Rukia: I swear I will throw you!

Kon: Bring it on, bitch! (gets into a fighting position even though he`s a small stuffed animal)

Soifon: Yo, people. (sees Kommy in his fighting position) Kon, what are you doing? You can`t fight anyone in that body. And definitely not in that kind of position. (laughs)

Kon: I`ll get a body, you`ll see.

Soifon: Yeah, when pigs fly. So what`s the deal with that bird, anyways.

Rangiku: I found it and wanted to teach it how to fly but hit into the wall instead.

Soifon: Never teach a bird how to fly, Rangiku.

Rangiku: Why?

Soifon: Because it`s a total waste of time. Have you ever watched the discovery channel?

Rangiku: No?

Kon: I have.

Rukia: You really would know about animals then since you`re in a stuffed one`s body, Kommy.

Rangiku: But Soifon, can you help my bird?

Soifon: Gimme a minute to think of something... Oh, I know just the thing. (grabs a baseball bat and almost swings at Sparky)

Yoruichi: What in the world are you doing?

Soifon: I`m putting it out of it`s misery. All it takes is just one swing and it`s bye-bye birdy.

Rangiku: No! I don`t want you to kill it.

Soifon: If you didn`t want me to kill it then why ask for my help in the first place? Oh well.

Kon: Kill it Soifon! Kill it now!

Rukia: Soifon, are you gonna use that bat?

Soifon: I WAS, but not anymore. Why?

Rukia: I`m gonna borrow it for just one second. This won`t take long. (swings Kon to the moon with the bat) HOOME RUNN! All done. Here (gives Soifon the bat)

Rangiku: Let`s go back inside.

Yoruichi: Good idea. That way he`d get a better chance of surviving.

Soifon: Is that supposed to be a joke?

Yoruichi: Not really. I just thought it would sound really rediculous if I said it.

Soifon: It did.

Rangiku: Who cares. We gotta bring it to Unohana and let her take care of it.

Rukia: Good idea. Let`s hurry.

[Unohana is walking by]

Unohana: Finally. No more spongebath for Old panzy ass. Woohoo.

Rangiku: Uno, I need your help! Sparky hit the wall.

Unohana: Who?

Rangiku: Sparky.

Unohana: Who`s Sparky? I don`t know any Sparky. (laughs)

Soifon: You look happy today, Uno.

Yoruichi: Yeah. How come?

Unohana: I just gave Old man a piece of my mind.

Rukia: Awesome.

Rangiku: That`s great. Now about my bird-

Soi: So what did he do?

[Rangiku stares and her face turns red]

Rangiku: Girls? My bird needs help over here. (says it in a singing tone)

Unohana: He cried his eyes out. He`s such a loser and not to mention a big old crybaby. Haha.

[Steam starts coming out of Rangiku`s ears]

Rangiku: Girls?

Yoruichi: He really needs to get laid. That`s a joke.

Rukia: Haha. Good one.

Rangiku: I DON`T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT OLD MAN SHITTY PANTS! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY BIRD!

Unohana: Geez. All you had to do was ask.

Rangiku: I did, ya moron! (runs towards her, almost punches her but is stopped by Soifon and Yoruichi)

Yoruichi: Okay. I think somebody needs a time out. Just give her the damn bird and wait outside.

[Hours later]

Unohana comes back out with a serious face]

Rangiku: So? How is he or she, `cause I don`t really know. I haven`t exactly looked down there yet...

Unohana: I got good news and bad news.

Rukia: Tell the good news first.

Soifon: Yeah. That always helps.

Unohana: The good news is that I`m finally free from being old man`s maid.

Rukia: That is good news.

Rangiku: What The Fuck? How is that good news for me? We are concerned here, for crying out loud!

Yoruichi: And the bad news?

Unohana: He now smells like shit `cause no one gave him his spongebath. Hahaha.

Rangiku: I DON`T FREAKING CARE ABOUT HIM! WHAT ABOUT SPARKY, THE BIRD I GAVE YOU HOURS AGO!

Unohana: Oh that bird? He dead, hun. Or I think it`s a he...

Rukia: Dead? Just like that?

Unohana: Yup. Just like that. Was there something else I may have missed out on? Like is he a male or female? `Cause I`m confused..

Yoruichi: We have no clue.

Soifon: Rangiku? Are you okay?

[Rangiku looks at Unohana in an anger, enraged way]

Rangiku: You..should...RUN!

Rukia: (looks at Unohana) If I were you, I`d do what she says. Hold her!

[Yoruichi and Soifon are holding Rangiku]

[Rangiku gets even more angry]

Yoruichi: Oh-oh. She`s getting stronger here. I can`t hold her much longer.

Soifon: She`s gonna BLOW! Uno, RUN!

[Unohana runs]

Rangiku: AAARGH! I`M GONNA KILL YOU, BITCH! (runs like a wild dog after Unohana)

Yoruichi: Oh boy. This is not gonna be nasty, I mean pretty.

Soifon: Ya think? We better go after her before she starts biting.

Rukia: (rubs head) I could`ve just frozen her...

Soifon: We need more reinforcements, people!

Yoruichi: Everybody, Rangiku is on the loose!

[Renji is sitting at the bar sipping tea]

Renji: So?

Soifon: She`s in rage and crazy `cause her bird just died.

[Renji spits out tea screaming]

Renji: HIDE, LOCK THE DOORS, DIG A HOLE! (crawls under table) Oooooh boy. (starts praying)

Soifon: What the hell are you doing, boy? There`s a time and place for praying but now is not the time. EVERYBODY HIDE!

[Everyone is running like crazy lunatics in fear]

To Be Continued...

Funny Bleach Episode 6 Part 2: Rangiku`s Rampage

[Unohana is running from Rangiku]

Unohana: Somebody get this psycho away from me!

[Rangiku is still running after her]

Rangiku: Get back here, you-you bird killer!

Rukia: Soifon, you got any bright ideas?

Soifon: Me? You`re the Ice Godess. Use your icy head. (thinks) So? Anything popped into that ice skull of yours?

Rukia: I`m thinking-I`m thinking, don`t push me around. You got something, Yoruichi?

Yoruichi: I`m thinking too, ya know? Hey, how about Yaoi magazines.

Rukia: Sweeet. Ooh Rangiku?

[Rangiku stops running and turns around]

Rangiku: WHAT!

Rukia: Look at what I`ve got. (holds up a magazine) Hot, steamy, fresh new Yaoi magazines. Come and get it.

Rangiku: OOOOOH. Gimme-gimme-gimme! (runs towards Rukia)

Rukia: HOLY MOTHER OF YAOI! (runs away)

Rangiku: Give me those Yaoi magazines and I won`t hurt you! (runs after her)

[Soifon and Yoruichi both look at eachother]

Soifon: Well...at least we got her to stop chasing Unohana...

Unohana: Yeah, thanks. Now we gotta help Rukia.

Yoruichi: Nu-no-no. You`ve caused us enough trouble already. You`re staying here and hide `cause she still hates you. We`ll take care of Rangiku.

Soifon: Yup. Now let`s go!

[Both start running after them]

Unohana: What did I do? (is clueless) Oh well (looks for a place to hide) Oh looky there. (hides under a rock) There`s no way she`s gonna find me here.

[Meanwhile]

Rukia: Stop chasing me, you maniac! (still running)

Rangiku: Just give me the Yaoi!

Rukia: I would, but the way you`re running after me right now is gonna knock me down if I stop. So calm down and I will give you the Yaoi `cause I`m excited about reading it too, it`s the newest Yaoi magazine ever!

Rangiku: Fine! I will stop (stops and Rukia hands her the Yaoi magazine)

Rukia: You are one crazy girl, you know that?

Rangiku: The doctor said the same thing. (laughs) I think I might`ve scared Unohana though. Haha.

Rukia: Yup. She`s hiding from you right now. (laughs)

[Both are reading and get a mayor nosebleed and then they start laughing]

Soifon: There you are! Damn woman, you had us running like crazy.

Yoruichi: What are you two reading?

Rangiku: Yaoi, duh! And not just ANY Yaoi. This is the newest magazine ever. Whoot!

Soifon: Sweeet. (reads too and nosebleeds) Awesome.

Yoruichi: Wow. I wonder what this world would be like if Yaoi never existed. (laughs)

Rangiku: Propably hell.

Rukia: You said it sister. (laughs)

Renji: There you are.

Rukia: Please tell me that`s not Renji.

Rangiku: Okay, that`s not Renji.

[Rukia turns around and sees Renji and slaps Rangiku upside the head]

Rukia: That`s Renji!

Rangiku: But you said...oh nevermind.

Renji: What, Rukia? Can`t a guy see how his beautiful girlfriend is doing?

Rukia: Not really. `Cause last time I checked, I`m not your girlfriend, you monkey`s butt!

Rangiku: Yeah. So shoo! Scram!

Renji: You want me soo bad. You just don`t want to admit it in front of your girl friends. Hehe, but it`s okay if you`re shy about it.

Soifon: This is too funny (reads)

Yoruichi: I agree (continues reading)

Rukia: Shy? I am soo far from being shy about something that isn`t real. So this conversation is over.

Renji: Oh no, honeycombs. This conversation has just begun. (smiles at her)

Rukia: Honeycombs?

[Rangiku looks at Yoruichi]

Rangiku: Isn`t that the name of a cerial?

Yoruichi: Shh. As long as she doesn`t know it, we`re safe.

Rukia: If you keep this up, Renji, I`m gonna have to send Byakuya on you. (reads) You two have such a gooood history.

Rangiku: That`s true. (laughs)

Renji: Oh please. That doushbag can`t do anything to keep me away from you. He knows that.

Rukia: (looks behind Renji) You sure about that? Look who`s standing behind you. (keeps reading)

Renji: Very funny, Rukia. I know he`s not behind me. So quit playing games, okay?

[Byakuya stares down at Renji since he`s taller than him]

Byakuya: Wanna bet?

Renji: (turns around) YIKES! BYAKUYA! It`s you!

Byakuya: Yes, it`s me. Who else could it be.

Renji: So..um. wha-what brings you here on such a beautiful day?

Byakuya: Just thought somebody was annoying Rukia.

Renji: Oh really? I`ll kick his ass then!

Byakuya: Oh-no-no-no, Renji. Allow me. (punches him in the stomach)

Renji: (falls on the floor) Ouw. You asshole!

Byakuya: Renji, for the last time, stay away from Rukia, or else.

Rukia: Thanks bro. I owe you one.

Byakuya: No you don`t, Rukia. (returns to the Kuchiki Manor) That boy never learns, does he.

Renji: Nothing can keep me away from Rukia. Nothing!

[Rukia`s eyes start glowing and she blushes but then shakes it off]

Rukia: Go away. (keeps reading)

Renji: Fine. But I`ll be back. (walks away)

Yoruichi: Seems to me like he`s never gonna give up on you, Rukia. (laughs)

Soifon: Yup (keeps reading and nosebleeds again) Wow. I love this magazine. O_O

Rukia: (looks at the clouds) I know...

The End 


End file.
